This life I will never be able to fix
by Lapis Kagamine
Summary: After so many things that she did, Rin finally decides to change her life as she enters a new school, and forget everything she did in her terrible personality. But even with such determination, life isn't as easy as erasing and coloring over. Some things you can change others you can't. It's a complete struggle of life that sometimes can not be fixed.


**" I didn't mean to make things this way."**

Don't ask me about my childhood past. Yeah, I mean, I am still a child, but don't ask about my childhood past. If you get to know me well enough, eventually my past wil somehow slip out in my personality. Yeah, they say your past will affect the way you are. I won't deny it, it's true. But I'd rather keep my past under a sleeve. Or at least that was my high school goal.

It's been a month since school started, and I am now a freshman at an arts school. I purposely choose this chool because nobody said they would go to it. No familiar faces so far, which means my theory was correct. I'm not the quietest nor the loudest, but I'm friendly enough to make a few new friends.

"Rin, want to stay after school today?", my friend Kasane Teto asked as she put her fingers through her silky red curls. "What for?" I asked as we left the cafeteria. "There's this little meeting for this thing I want to join. You said you like singing, so I want to go with you. Please join with me, I don't want to be alone!" She said begging. Sometimes I can't stand when people beg in the way she did. It feels like a little kid who wants to forcefully take a huge piece of cake. (Not saying that I wouldn't do it). I sighed. "I'll go, but about joining, I'll think about it." Teto smiled as we walked to our english class.

You probably know what Japanese schools look like in anime's. That's not the school I'm in. I have the huge benefit of not being with the people I used to know. But the consequences is that my school is much stricter. Late policy.. few bathroom passes.. can't be late for lunch.. can't go outside for lunch.. whatever else I can think of. I'm just glad I can breathe at this school without having to pay for that.

Before I knew it, Teto was stalking me down by waiting outside my last hour, 5 minutes before the bell ringed. She kept making faces at me and nearly got me in trouble because I kept trying to tell her to stop. "Get a hang of yourself." I said as I finally walked out the classroom once the bell rang. "I am ninja you see." She took out a picture of a samurai with purple hair. At first I simply looked at it. Then I thought twice. "WAIT, IS THAT GAKUPO?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, pulling that picture away from her. She's more of a stalker than I thought. That samurai was clearly Gakupo.

"Yeah. You know him?" She asked. "Uhh, do you?" I asked wondering where they had met. "We're somehow related. Our family is a mess, so I'm not sure what he is anymore." Teto said. I let out a breath of relief. Just a family member. "Your going to join right?" Teto asked with sparkly eyes. I don't know how I even met this girl. "What is it again?" I asked. "Like a band. Just to kill time." Teto said. Well, sounds decent enough. "Probably. It's not like I have much to do afterschool anyway." I said. "YAY!" She said with that huge smile again.

I probably shouldn't have said yes. You know, I take that back: I seriously shouldn't said yes. Either this girl knows all of my personal life by stalking me down, or the world is coming to an end. Or maybe... it's just a coincidence.

As soon as I walked in that classroom I found myself with the faces that my brain cells we're the most familiar with. Probably those faces that can instantly read me like a book. But now that I think of it, It's not so much of a book, but rather, a messed up art work. They don't misinterpret this art piece, they know how ugly it is.

As I entered with Teto, my smile turned into a face I cannot descride. My heart beat, scared of what I just got myself into. There stood Gakupo, taking out a clarinet from it's case, Len was testing out an acoustic guitar, Meiko was taking out her violin and Kaito was showing some sheet music to a girl with blue/purple hair as they stood by a piano. I swear my heart had a tiny attack. I paralysed. "Hi! I hope I'm on time." Teto said smiling. Here came the moment I most dreaded. They all suddenly looked up to see us. I was about to die right in that spot as I felt all their eyes looking toward me. I was not meant to be here.

"I hope you guys don't mind that I brought a friend. She'll be joining too if that's okay. She can sing really well." Teto said smiling. My face turned red with embarrasement. Well, let's just say I lied before saying I had a talent for the clarinet and said I couldn't sing. Now that I told myself I would lie as I reamade my life in a new school I am faced by these stupid old lies I made. "Yeah, It's fine. Rin can join." Gakupo said.

Teto stood quiet for a moment, probably realizing he knew me. Then she went back to her usual happy self. "Yay! Thank You!" Teto smiled. Well, I'm safe on that. "Rin, go to Len for the mini tutorial." He said. I swallowed and nodded.

When I said some of the personality stuck to me, it's because of my stupid response I came up with. I don't know why the worst part had to stick to me. "Who's Len?" I asked in the most serious way. Len turned to look at me in a terrified, worried way. "Um.. me." He said. "Hello. Nice to meet you.." I said to him as I walked to him. "Do you seriously have to pretend you don't know me?" He asked. Tell me, why did I take drama class this year? Those practices of acting along with my old personality were suddenly coming out of my mouth like it was true. "I.. have never met you before." I said. He looked at me in the eyes and turned away. "Of course, you don't know me like you've know the rest." He said. That stabbed right through me. Now you know what I mean by personality. I was stupid enough to believe it was fun to date gakupo and kaito and mess with their feelings before. Now that I recognize my actions and am trying my best to change, with this familiar aura of people I know, it was like some of it stook. I don't deserve to be forgiven.

Even with these thoughts, what came out my mouth was words I could no longer control. As soon as my mouth opened to say another word, I knew the wrong thing would come out. I covered it and ran out of the classroom into the hallway and sat in front of a locker falling into tears. I gave myself this destiny and now I had to face it. But in the inside I was simply to scared. I didn't want to be this person anymore. Not again.

**A/N: First Vocaloid story with Rin as the main character. How is it? Thanks to all those who take their time to actually read through all the way here. I haven't quite decided the plot I will give it... (or maybe it's a secret :P), so I labeled as friendship. Anyway, thank you to all!**


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